Turkey, The Other Other White Meat

I love turkey.

So what, you say? You're going to write a blog post about that, FoodGuy? I can't get to my back button quick enough...

Hang on there, friend. What I'm about to say next will shock you.

I love turkey more than beef!

I heard you gasp. Admit it. You're shocked! FoodGuy, who's on a lifelong quest for the perfect hamburger likes turkey more than beef? It hardly seems possible.

Sorry, but it's true.

I'm talking turkey breast here, too, which most people think is dry and tasteless. Just like me!

I disagree. About the common misconception about turkey, that is. We're not talking about me here...

Now, when hankering for a hamburger, it's doubtful that a turkey burger will do. But when you've got turkey and a barbecue and the right fixings? Well, a turkey burger is a beautiful thing. (Secret ingredient for a killer turkey burger: frozen spinach thawed, drained, and mixed into the meat. Trust me!)

Aside from burgers though, turkey rules in just about every way.

• It's better for you (not that that's always a consideration)
• It goes well with everything
• It's tasty, but it's flavor doesn't overwhelm everything else on your plate
• It's underrated (I've always been a champion of the underdog. See my future post about garbanzo beans).
• It's crazy versatile: roasted whole bird, breast fillets, ground like beef, pot-pied, boiled and made into soup, sliced thin for sandwiches...

I know, most of that can be said for beef too. But shut up about beef already, I'm talking about TURKEY.

The Club Sandwich Mouth Massacre

photo by Mike Eats Detroit

A club sandwich is a simple thing. Simple ingredients, simply prepared. But so dastardly and destructive, it should come with a warning sign.

Though truth be told, a big, bold print warning wouldn't keep me from eating a club sandwich when the mood strikes.

Even though I know what comes next. The Mouth Massacre.

Yes, much like my beloved patty melt (maybe I have a thing for food that hurts me, but more on that in another post), club sandwiches leave my mouth feeling like the Incredible Hulk's purple pants. Shredded.

I had a surprising good club sandwich this weekend. With a really surprisingly good order of onion rings to go along with it. Hm... I was going to write that despite the tastiness of that meal it wasn't worth the pain that's only recently subsided.

But I can't write that. Because recreating the meal in my mind just now has got my newly-healed mouth watering.

Screw it. Forget this whole post. Club sandwiches rule, bits of flesh dangling from the roof of my mouth be damned!

It won't be the last time I suffer for food.

If Only Eugene Were Burgertown

Eugene, Oregon has a lot of burger joints. A LOT. But despite my last post about hamburgers, I've yet to find a place that has consistently wowed me with their burger prowess. A one-off awesome burger is nothing to sneeze at, mind you. But if it can't be counted on, it just sets you up for disappointment.

Expecting excellence and getting mediocrity is worse than expecting mediocrity and getting it.

The newest player on the local burger scene is Dickie Jo's. Owned by a family that has done well for itself by offering quality local fast-ish food, this place is high on concept, but the burgers are only pretty good. Not awesome. Not terrific. Just okay. I had higher hopes.

I have been hankering for a special hamburger. One with a handful of french fries piled on top. With a spoonful of spaghetti sauce lovingly poured atop that. And finished with a slice of mozzarella (or even provolone). Melted and gooey. Mmmm... now THAT would be a burger to photograph. Might even be a burger to cuddle with.

I shall call it the CuddleBurger.
(not to be confused with Cuttlefish burger. Please!)