Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Clown Meat


If you look really closely at the sign, it says this is 80% Pork.  So that would make it:
  • 3% Sawdust
  • 3%Pigeon 
  • 3% phlegm
  • 1% Red Dye #40
  • 10% Soylent Green

Friday, January 23, 2009

Fun Dip

An edible stick. Pure sugar in a waxy papery pouch. What could be better?

When I was 13, I spent my Saturdays working in the drugstore where my father was the weekend pharmacist. At the end of the day, dad would let me take one piece of candy off the shelf as a reward for my hard work (little did he know I spent most of my day eating whatever candy I could cram in my mouth between customers. I also stole cigarettes too, but that's a story for another day...).

Lik-M-Aid Fun Dip was the one candy I wasn't allowed to bring home. So of course, I just tucked a pouch into my jacket or backpack before the end of the day, chose my 'wholesome' Red Hots or Kit Kat, and went merrily on my way.

Fun Dip was great, because it came with three flavors of powder each in its own pouch. You could open one flavor at a time, saving the best (purple) for last (if you were like me), or you could mix flavors to make the green more palatable. And it came with two candy sticks for dipping, which I always thought was quite generous.

Here's what it looks like now (which is far slicker than looked in 1983)

More than anything, though, I remember plowing through a package of Fun Dip and having sugar burn on my lips and tongue from the rough texture of the candy.

Now the thought of eating a package of flavored sugar repulses me. Don't get me wrong, I still LOVE candy, but straight up sugar, eaten with a sugar stick? Now I know why it was the forbidden candy.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Burger Cake

Two of my favorite things finally combined.
Is it a hamburger?
Is it a cake?

Going Hardcore

Gosh Food Guy, it sure has been a long time since you've posted -- what's up? That's what you've been thinking, right?

Sorry, but it's that time of year. Mrs. Food Guy and I refer to it as "Going Hardcore." From January 1 to Valentine's Day, we remove all junk from our diets.

Now, don't confuse going hardcore with dieting. We typically eat pretty healthfully, but during the holidays we tend to get a little nuts. So we use the first six weeks of each year as a refresher course in eating well.

And we love it. It feels better to eat well. I miss cake, don't get me wrong. But when I do have a piece of cake or some candy on February 14, I appreciate it. A LOT!

So when you have a cookie, a Fire-flavored Twizzler Pull and Peel (they taste like FIRE!!!!) or a hunk of cake with extra frosting... think of me. Think of my pants fitting better. Think of me getting into working out again and knowing that come spring I won't be embarrassed to take my shirt off. Think of me happily eating dried dates for a snack and remarking aloud "Dried dates -- natures candy!"

And think of me scarfing up my Valentine's Day junk food with abandon, not thinking about any of those things.